I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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