I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
