The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize