Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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