It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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