Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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