Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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