How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
