We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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