He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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