So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
