the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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