Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
