so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
