somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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