Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
