just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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