i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
