she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize