I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My ass is underappreciated
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
