so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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