all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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