Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
