I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
