I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
