This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
