great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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