Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
