If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's never too late to be topless.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
