I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize