Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
