Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
