i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize