Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
