He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize