Yo dont text me then not text me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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