My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
