It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
