I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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