Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
