i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize