But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
