he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
