they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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