I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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