He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize