in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
