You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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