who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
