Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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