Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
