i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize