The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
