Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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