before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
