Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
