I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
