i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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