My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
