you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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