Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
