I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
