2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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