It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
