wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
