SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
