I accidentally had phone sex last night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
