idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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