but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
