He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize